Breaking Brad: Brad Pitt as Gingrich?; 'Seinfeld' on the campaign trail
Published Thursday February 23, 2012By Brad Dickson / World-Herald columnist
Premium ContentClick on Premium Content on the Featured navigation bar for information.Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad" appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.
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* Bo Pelini has decided not to contest a ticket for running a Lincoln stop sign. I'm frankly surprised Pelini got the ticket. You'd think a Husker head coach could use a little charm, finesse and sweet talk with the authority figure to ... on second thought, Bo's lucky he didn't get hard time.
* Tuesday night, President Obama, Michelle Obama and her mom stood and clapped along as Mick Jagger danced into the room for a White House! concert . This was supposed to make the president look edgy. Memo to the Obama team: It's hard to look edgy attending a Jagger concert with your mother-in-law.
* Later, President Obama jammed with Jagger and B.B. King. To prove that he's also hip, Mitt Romney is planning to join The Lettermen in Branson for a rendition of "Put Your Head on My Shoulder."
* Wednesday night, a GOP debate was held in Arizona. I wouldn't say Arizona is conservative, but the debate broke up after 10 minutes so everyone could search for Obama's real birth certificate.
* During the debate, Romney quoted George Costanza from "Seinfeld." Remember when our candidates used to quote George Washington?
* "Seinfeld" was the perfect program to quote. After all, this is a campaign about nothing.
* The GOP debate Wednesday night got a little ugly. Picture a professional wrestling cage match, only with a moderator.
* During the debate Wednesday night, Ron Paul called Rick Santorum "fake." Big deal. If you get rid of every fake politician in the country, bills in Congress are going to pass by votes of 2 to 1.
* Ron Paul called Rick Santorum "fake." To which Santiorum replied, "That does not compute." Then he short-circuited.
* To appeal to Arizona voters before the debate, a 40-foot wall was erected around each candidate.
* Romney has mostly stopped referring to Gingrich, Santorum and Paul by name. Now he's calling them, "That plump guy, Urkel and Gramps."
* Newt Gingrich said he wants Brad Pitt to play him in a movie. I think that makes sense only if Justin Bieber plays Bob Dole.
* Michelle Obama was photographed in a $40 dress from Target, possibly to appeal to middle-class voters. To counter, Republicans announced that Karen Santorum will wear a Dollar Tree muumuu at all future ap! pearance s.
* After seeing Obama in the $40 dress, Callista Gingrich announced that she's downsizing to the $1 million Tiffany's brooch.
* This is the third time Obama has worn the $40 Target dress. You know it's campaign season because the price tag is still on there.
* The Target dress is part of a new line to demonstrate what the spouses of billionaires will be wearing if Obama's tax plan passes.
* According to a poll, Mitt Romney is seen as reliable, but he doesn't get anyone excited. Heard the new Romney campaign slogan? "I'm the Ford Taurus of candidates."
* A photo has surfaced of President Obama giving Nancy Pelosi a kiss at the National Prayer Breakfast, when his lips were "dangerously close" to hers. Well, technically, they weren't her Pelosi's lips. Just the ones currently on her face.
* The Underwear Bomber was sentenced to four life terms plus 50 years. He'll still be out in time to see the debate on the Keystone XL pipeline resolved.
* Approximately 25 million tons of garbage is floating from Japan to the west coast of the U.S. The enormous pile of garbage is the same size as California, but it has more to offer.
* The Academy Awards are Sunday night. This is expected to be the first Oscar ceremony where someone accepts an award for a winner who "couldn't be here due to the price of gas."
* Alberto Contador has lost his 2010 Tour de France title after testing positive for a steroid. After hearing the news, Contador pedaled his bike to the top of Mount Everest and refused to come down.
* Randy Moss, 35, wants to come out of retirement. I've felt his absence. Now that I've been spending time on Twitter, I've come to realize that Randy Moss may be our most mature professional athlete.
* The four D-I basketball programs in Rhode Island - Providence, Bryant, Brown and Rhod! e Island - all rank last in their respective conferences. Experts attribute this to there being four D-I programs in a state the size of a Super Walmart.
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